Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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