I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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