Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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