Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
