Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
