Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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