Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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