I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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