I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize