I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
