I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
