But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
These tits shall not be calmed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
