a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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