You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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