do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
