i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
