I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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