I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
