Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
