I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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