got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
