He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
