i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
