I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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