Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
