walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
