I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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