She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
40s are totally the cure
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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