Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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