matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
