You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
