You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
