Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
