just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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