At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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