Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
