i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
