She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
