You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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