dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
