I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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