If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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