Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
