TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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