Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
