bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
