haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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