i permit you to call me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
