My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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