Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
