Your tits are I can't wait for
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
