I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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