we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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