I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
